Six-Letter Curse Word

There is no such thing as a six-letter curse word, until now. Or in reality, until about 9:30 p.m. (Eastern standard time zone) on Thursday, July 8, 2010. For years to come in Cleveland households and across Ohio, the word 'LeBron' shall be declared as undignified as any other four-letter swear word. Statewide, mother's will shutter in terror when their child lets those six painful letters slip, 'LeBron.'

When I was a young boy, anytime a word considered tasteless spewed out of my mouth, mom would have a bar of soap handy to literally clean out 'the profanity' from my mouth. By my calculations, if the same approach is taken to this newly found six-letter swear word, "Dial" soap might just see its biggest boost in sales since the revolution of 'everyday showers/baths' in America (circa February 22, 1963 - I think).

Imagine the ways in which the 'former king of Cleveland' will have his name used. For example, in a regular bar fight one man will tell the other, "You steaming bag of horse-LeBron," or "LeBron you!" In summer softball leagues, players will plead after a poorly called strike, "What the LeBron was that?" Or in my opinion, the absolute worst one of all, "You son of a LeBron."

Now, this is not the first time a six-letter word has plagued the city of Cleveland. Those of you who were around in the nineties might recall a guy with the last name 'Modell,' As in Art Modell. That six-letter word moved the Browns to Baltimore in 1995. But this recent egotistical path that the so-called 'king' took to his own Miami glory, simply incomparable. The Browns are back in Cleveland (without Modell I might note). LeBron can never come back. Not in six years. Not in 20 years.

Cavs owner Dan Gilbert perhaps said it best in his letter to the fans, "The self-declared former 'King' will be taking the 'curse' with him down south. And until he does 'right' by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell." It's a well-known fact that C-town has had more than its share of bad luck in sports history. The 'curse' Gilbert speaks of refers to THE SHOT, THE DRIVE, THE FUMBLE (google it). And now with the son of Gloria James, THE BETRAYAL. While he may have taken the 'curse' to South Beach, and I hope he has, there is no relief for the pain Cavalier fans feel with his departure.

Much like a house fire, it is difficult to realize the damage done to the place you call home in the moment. But in the morning, once the ash settles, reality sets in that all of your memories, dreams and valuable items from the past have burned to the ground. It's going to hurt for a while Cleveland. It's going to sting. It's going to burn watching top ten highlights of LeBron on SportsCenter, every single night, in a Miami Heat uniform.

But there is hope Cleveland. LeBron James and the Heat must travel to Quicken Loans Arena this season. And when that day comes, purchase your tickets, fill up 'the Q,' and chant with me, "Piece of LeBron! Piece of LeBron! Piece of LeBron!" Hey, at the very least, we can hope he gives the same effort as the last time he played in Cleveland.

Sing Along

In the wake of the USA’s glorious win over Algeria Wednesday, criticism has surfaced about the way in which the US won the game. Yeah, I know the United States shouldn’t have put themselves in that position in the first place. I know they may have underachieved in falling behind early in the first two games of group play. I know Algeria isn’t a team that anyone would like to say USA made history against. But since when did we become so enamored with a need to pick apart and criticize that we can’t enjoy great sports moments like that of Landon Donovan’s game-winning goal in the 91st minute Wednesday.

In the age of twitter and blogosphere’s galore, anyone and everyone can have a platform, a soapbox, an opinion. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s the American dream. But more often than not, in a sportswriters world, the soapbox is a platform to exploit the bad in the good. Going down the page of sporting events on the biggest stage, and merely inking red marks on every great achievement. I myself have even fallen victim.

Imagine riding in a car with a group of friends when a great song comes on the radio. Everyone sings along at the top of their lungs while the one passenger decides to become the critic…analyzing everything that’s wrong about the song instead of singing along.

Have we become this? Is this who we are America? A culture never satisfied…never pleased…never content? A country analyzing every note of the beautiful lifesong playing around us? What Landon Donovan did Wednesday was historic. It was glorious. Scoreless for 90 minutes, the United States World Cup hopes nearly dashed, his putback…put back the Red, White and Blue into contention. Giving USA its first group win since 1930 - the very first World Cup. Enjoy it! Live for moments like this! Welcome them in blissful joy! After all, it took 80 years for a moment like this in US soccer history.

Saturday, the United States take on Ghana in the round of 16, and I can only hope the story gets even better. And if the US win in dramatic fashion again, don’t analyze, sing along.