There is no such thing as a six-letter curse word, until now. Or in reality, until about 9:30 p.m. (Eastern standard time zone) on Thursday, July 8, 2010. For years to come in Cleveland households and across Ohio, the word 'LeBron' shall be declared as undignified as any other four-letter swear word. Statewide, mother's will shutter in terror when their child lets those six painful letters slip, 'LeBron.'
When I was a young boy, anytime a word considered tasteless spewed out of my mouth, mom would have a bar of soap handy to literally clean out 'the profanity' from my mouth. By my calculations, if the same approach is taken to this newly found six-letter swear word, "Dial" soap might just see its biggest boost in sales since the revolution of 'everyday showers/baths' in America (circa February 22, 1963 - I think).
Imagine the ways in which the 'former king of Cleveland' will have his name used. For example, in a regular bar fight one man will tell the other, "You steaming bag of horse-LeBron," or "LeBron you!" In summer softball leagues, players will plead after a poorly called strike, "What the LeBron was that?" Or in my opinion, the absolute worst one of all, "You son of a LeBron."
Now, this is not the first time a six-letter word has plagued the city of Cleveland. Those of you who were around in the nineties might recall a guy with the last name 'Modell,' As in Art Modell. That six-letter word moved the Browns to Baltimore in 1995. But this recent egotistical path that the so-called 'king' took to his own Miami glory, simply incomparable. The Browns are back in Cleveland (without Modell I might note). LeBron can never come back. Not in six years. Not in 20 years.
Cavs owner Dan Gilbert perhaps said it best in his letter to the fans, "The self-declared former 'King' will be taking the 'curse' with him down south. And until he does 'right' by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell." It's a well-known fact that C-town has had more than its share of bad luck in sports history. The 'curse' Gilbert speaks of refers to THE SHOT, THE DRIVE, THE FUMBLE (google it). And now with the son of Gloria James, THE BETRAYAL. While he may have taken the 'curse' to South Beach, and I hope he has, there is no relief for the pain Cavalier fans feel with his departure.
Much like a house fire, it is difficult to realize the damage done to the place you call home in the moment. But in the morning, once the ash settles, reality sets in that all of your memories, dreams and valuable items from the past have burned to the ground. It's going to hurt for a while Cleveland. It's going to sting. It's going to burn watching top ten highlights of LeBron on SportsCenter, every single night, in a Miami Heat uniform.
But there is hope Cleveland. LeBron James and the Heat must travel to Quicken Loans Arena this season. And when that day comes, purchase your tickets, fill up 'the Q,' and chant with me, "Piece of LeBron! Piece of LeBron! Piece of LeBron!" Hey, at the very least, we can hope he gives the same effort as the last time he played in Cleveland.
